A quiet moan escapes me as his lips graze my neck, trailing gentle kisses before finding that spot just below my jawline. When he sucks there, slow and deliberate, my fingers tangle in his sandy-brown hair, urging him not to stop. Languidly, he moves his hand up my thigh and wraps it around my waist before sliding his hand across my skin to cup my breast. He places open-mouth kisses everywhere but the nipple, where I want him.  

I huff. He gives me a growly laugh and continues to the opposite breast, then switches back and forth until I squeeze his waist with my legs. I need some kind of relief. His hand presses flat against my stomach as he trails kisses downward, lips grazing and nibbling along the way. Instead of going where I crave him—no, need him—he places small bites on my inner thigh.  

“P-please.” I attempt to move his head to my core.  

Instead, he switches to the opposite thigh, where the tip of his tongue flicks the fold between my leg and pussy. My body bows off the bed at his small, teasing pecks, desperate for release. I feel him grin before he devours me with his mouth. It only takes a few flicks of his tongue to send me over the edge. He keeps going, adding his fingers, making me see stars. My body goes completely limp as he crawls back up and those dazzling blue eyes stare up at me.

Josh.  

I jerk myself from the dream. “Shit.” I shouldn’t have any dreams about my ex, let alone sex dreams, especially since I started dating my sorta boyfriend Phillip.  

I grab my phone and call my person, Dee. She’s been my best friend since we were freshmen at the University of Nebraska, even if we live almost two hours apart now. I would say until she ran off with Mike, but she fought that man every step of the way to the point she broke up with him almost weekly. Ok, not weekly but close. All because my feisty and fearless friend was petrified since she caught feelings for Mike.  

“You’re lucky Michael left work early and I’m already up with his evil spawn.” Dee groans, probably filling or refilling her coffee cup since it’s barely five a.m.  

“I had a dream and… it’s messed up.”

Dee yawns. “Gonna tell me, or do I have to be like Ivy and make up elaborate stories trying to figure out this fucked-up dream?” Dee mutters to herself, “Why is it that this child is only two, but he knows exactly when his father leaves? Michael wasn’t out the door ten minutes before his mini-me was up crying for him. Seriously? Who carried him for nine months and ruined her rockin’ body, with amazing tits? Huh?”

I shrug, even though she can’t see me. “First, you still have a great body, to the point your husband can barely keep his hands to himself. Second, at least your son cuddles up with you when Mike leaves. Ivy says she misses that phase. I have no idea. Call her about that. I’m sure Mase was like that with Grant. My dream…” I trail off, hopeful my soulmate knows that I want her to finish the sentence or at least pick the topic up.  

“So, this dream… were you fucking someone you shouldn’t? Or marrying—”

“The hell? How do you do that?”

Knowing her, she’s smiling from ear to ear. “You’re my soulmate. I know how your mind works. Tell me, in detail, about this dream so I know how freaked out you are and how to fix this. If I even need to fix anything.”  

I do as she asks and tell her everything, complete with his mischievous blue eyes lovingly staring at me when I awoke.  

“You’re feeling guilty cause of Chill Phil… Well, he’s not really chill, more like douchie. Why did I start calling him that?” She finishes, talking more to herself than to me.  

“It rhymes,” I deadpan.

Dee continues, completely ignoring my comment. “Josh, now, I’m not sure what you’re thinking there. Do you want him back? It’s been almost three months since you went near him. That’s no small feat since he’s with Michael almost all the time. It pisses me off that you avoid all the parties and shit we have. It’s pissing everyone else off as well. Get over it. You knew he had commitment issues, and I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself to him, but that doesn’t mean you turn your back on your friends. You barely visit anymore. It’s bullshit.” She whisper-shouts into the phone since Cristian is probably within earshot. I can hear his musical activity table, though I’m surprised the volume is still on. Dee usually shuts it off almost immediately.

I’m surprised she didn’t rip me a new backside sooner. I’m sure Cat, Mike’s baby sister, who moved in with them after college, talked Dee down a few times already. Should I have pretty much ghosted my closest friend, spiraling me into a pit of depression? No. Should I have baked so many cookies, rolls, and desserts that I needed to donate them to the local soup kitchen? No. Did I contact Dee’s old boss at the community center to continue baking more in their industrial kitchen to work through my guilt? Absolutely. Well, I did until Gordy, Dee’s adopted dad, busted me.  

I know Dee’s right. I’ve wallowed long enough. I’ve been missing out on so much by avoiding Josh the last few months. I swipe the tears rolling down my face. She’s right, I shouldn’t ignore my girls—Dee, Ivy, and Cat—just because I don’t want to look at his gorgeous face and be reminded that he doesn’t want me.  

Dee continues. “Your butt better be here this weekend for girl time. You know what I can do to you. Though I’m not sure if we can pull off an official girls’ night, since Grant just returned from a training exercise and Joel comes back from some type of special schooling Michael sent him to, we can do something together with all the girls for a few hours, then just the two of us. I miss you. We’ve never been apart from each other for more than a month. Fully expect me to beat the crap outta you when you get here. Better yet, come tomorrow.”

Gut me. Guilt crawls across my chest, squeezing my heart. She knows I feel bad about not visiting more or spending time with her. I used the excuse that things had picked up at work, so I had to put in more hours, then I blamed starting a relationship with Phillip.  

I sigh, knowing Phillip asked me to go with him to his friend’s birthday party—or maybe it was a work thing. I should’ve paid more attention. I should just cancel so I can spend the entire week with my bestie and her sweet little boy.

“Let me call Phillip and see if I can get out of whatever he said. I think it’s for one of his friends or something.”

“Wait, you don’t remember whose party it is?”

I shake my head. “No.”

Dee laughs loudly, then quiets down, probably when she realizes how loud she’s being. I bet she got Cristian to lie back down. “Yeah, Mr. Chill won’t last long, but if it gets you here… bring him. You wouldn’t want to miss Dom’s going-away party. He’s PCSing in two weeks to Missouri.”

“What?! Dom’s leaving? What the hell?” I screech in a slight panic.  

Dom is one of the many guys in our circle of friends. Ok, he’s actually one of Mike’s many soldiers since Mike, or as the guys call him, Auggie, is a first sergeant at Fort Bragg—though it was briefly called Fort Liberty for a hot minute before it was changed back. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve heard anyone actually call it that. Anyway, Dom and I bonded after he called Josh out for breaking up with me for the thousandth time. The two of us talked for hours about everything, from Josh and his stupidity to Dom’s evil ex-wife, to how he quit drinking and his new girlfriend, and circling back to Josh.  

“What did you expect? Avoidance has consequences. And I’m petty enough not to tell you shit when your ass cancels on fucking girls’ night of all things,” Dee deadpans. “I get not coming to Josh’s birthday party or poker night or even the weekly bonfires. But it’s girls’ night at Ivy’s house! That’s bullshit.”  

Yeah, I’m an asshole who needs to fix this, which means I will bail on going to that party with Phillip. Joy washes over me thinking about seeing my bestie—and ditching that lame party. Dee’s right, Phillip won’t last much longer, but I can’t give her that satisfaction. If I was petty like her, I would be reminding her how many times she dumped Mike. Lucky for her, I’m not. 

Instead, I’ll bake my emotions. What should I bake? I grab the basics while I figure it out. I can’t deal with Dee’s guilt trip without baking something even if I deserve everything she gives me. Maybe I’ll make her favorite cupcakes or brownies. I mean, it’s the least I can do for being a shitty friend. I need to try to fix my screwup. Definitely some chocolate cupcakes with chocolate ganache and caramel drizzle.  

“I’ll be there tomorrow.” I know she has a satisfied smile on her face when we hang up.