The Fake Ghost – Book Tour and Giveaway

Life isn’t fair. Why don’t I have a real dad like President King? He couldn’t ever imagine the president raising a fist or a belt to his daughter.

“Anyways, if things work out swell, you’ll soon be visiting the Big Apple or any one of our marvellous states. We’ve got fifty-four states since we split Texas and California into two. America is now the greatest, and you, lucky boy, are now speaking with the ruler of the entire damn world—”

“China is the new ruler since—”

“Fuck China!” The president snarled. “I’m the most important guy in Terra Firma. Hell! Even aliens from Mars speak with me, and I ain’t kidding you.”

POTUS’ eyes widened into saucers. “No way! Your Excellency, you’ve actually seen real aliens, like in the films, Liberation Night and Independence Day and Women in Green and Men in Black. Real mothership aliens?”

President King preened, chest all puffed out, a grim smile on his face. “Yep. This is top secret, right? I’m not supposed to tell that we got aliens running wild amongst us, but take it from me, there are loads of them and—”

“Are there any aliens that are famous?” POTUS cut in, his heart thudding with excitement—Oh my God! Just wait till I tell Frankie. Mega wicked!

“Sure. Listen, promise you won’t tell, right? Swear on your life, and I’ll give you a coupla names.”

“I swear on my life,” POTUS crossed his heart feverishly. His love affair with sci-fi was only second to his boxing reruns on archive hologram channel.

“Okay. You know the actor guy, Tom Cruise? Yep! He’s one of the Martians.”

“No way! Tom Cruise?” POTUS’ ears were literally burning—Tom Cruise is an alien! Oh my God!

“Yep! Ever ask yourself how come he does all his own stunts despite his age? I mean, the guy’s older than me in human years, right? Last time I checked, he was almost seventy years old, and he’s still scaling walls and jumping parachutes and driving cars over cliffs. Hell! It’s even rumoured the guy never bleeds, never sleeps, and never been sick either. Now, who wouldn’t want that kinda power, right? A real charmer and superman, literally,” the president shook his head, his eyes glittering with admiration. POTUS could tell he liked alien Tom Cruise a lot.

“Are there women aliens too, Your Excellency?”

“Sure thing. The singer broad, Taylor Swift. Yep. Little green girl, I’m afraid. Psycho-bitch is a cloner and can split herself into thirteen alien Taylors, ensuring she has enough of herself to wreak chaos on humanity whenever she wants. Why do you think she always wears those creepy number 13 earrings? The alien bitch claims she was born on the 13^th of the month and turned 13 years on a Friday the 13th, but we know who her real parents are and trust me, they ain’t humans; alien mummy and daddy, just like their spawn. As I said, that psycho bird is the mistress of chaos. She can sow anarchy, cause riots, and destruction just by showing her friggin’ face and opening her big mouth to spout garbage. And boom! Instantly, humanity turns into crazy zombies; wild, rabid squad dogs who just want to cancel out everyone without having a friggin’ idea why they’re doing it. And she has thirteen clones to help her sew unrest around the world. Most times you see her having a concert in different countries, it’s actually one of her thirteen alien clones performing. But as I said, this is top secret, got it? Just between the two of us, right?”

“Right,” POTUS nodded. He was so relieved Rihanna wasn’t amongst the named aliens. It would’ve killed him if his all-time celebrity crush was one of the little green people from Mars. She might be older now, but he still had endless hologram recordings of her in her hay days to feed his besotted eyes.

Something niggled him.

“Your Excellency, are all the aliens white people, or do we have any black aliens too?”

President King barked a grim laugh. “Sure thing. We got loads of black aliens, even yellow ones. They hold annual Alien Zoom meetings to catch up with their alien stuff. I hear Will Smith’s been begging them to let him into the meetings but they keep voting him out. I reckon the alien motherfuckers think he has too many lethal Men in Black anti-alien arsenals. So, they don’t trust him and who can blame them? Mind you, Will’s no alien, but the fashion designer guy that used to be a singer, Pharrell Williams, and the F1 champion, Sir Lewis Hamilton…” he paused and nodded grimly as POTUS’ eyes goggled. “Yep! Sorry to disappoint you, kiddo, but they’re both little green men too. Not forgetting the Korean megastar singer, Taemin. That guy doesn’t even need to hide the fact that he’s an alien. He looks like one and moves like one. Little wonder they call him the reincarnated Michael Jackson, who was another alien freak, by the way. Yeah, these alien fuckers have got their people practically in every country, although we have the most in America. I’m guessing Martians know a quality country when they see one. Fuck China!” The president glided closer till he was practically whispering. “You see, they send them down with special powers. The aliens we gotta fear are the singers and the drivers.”

President King caught the stunned look on POTUS’ face and nodded again with that hard smile that POTUS was starting to admire. It was a smile of power, of strength, of knowledge and ruthlessness. It was the kind of smile that said the president had the aliens well sourced and could handle them with ruthless ease.